How do you act when told "no"?

While there was war between the house of Saul and the house of David, Abner was making himself strong in the house of Saul. Now Saul had a concubine whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah. And Ish-bosheth said to Abner, “Why have you gone in to my father's concubine?” Then Abner was very angry over the words of Ish-bosheth and said, “Am I a dog's head of Judah? To this day I keep showing steadfast love to the house of Saul your father, to his brothers, and to his friends, and have not given you into the hand of David. And yet you charge me today with a fault concerning a woman. God do so to Abner and more also, if I do not accomplish for David what the LORD has sworn to him, to transfer the kingdom from the house of Saul and set up the throne of David over Israel and over Judah, from Dan to Beersheba.” And Ish-bosheth could not answer Abner another word, because he feared him.
(2 Samuel 3:6-11 ESV)
In this true tale of two kings, the house of David was getting stronger, while the house of Saul was growing weaker.  God was blessing the house of His anointed. Meanwhile, within the house of Saul, it was Abner, Saul's cousin, who was getting more powerful.  That is evidenced by his taking Saul's "woman" as his own, a pagan practice when kings transitioned power.  Ish-bosheth rightly saw this a Abner's claim to power and rebuked it.  He told him he was wrong. Abner, like many of us, did not like being told he was wrong, and decided to get revenge for being rebuked. He decided to bail out on the King he had helped get put in office. He did not like the lack of appreciation, since he was the one who had "done all the work."  Do his words sound familiar? Are they ones you have heard in your own head? Do you seek revenge by withdrawing support? Do you react when you are told you have done wrong?  Do you expect people to trust you?

Setting himself up?

And sons were born to David at Hebron: his firstborn was Amnon, of Ahinoam of Jezreel; and his second, Chileab, of Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel; and the third, Absalom the son of Maacah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur; and the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; and the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital; and the sixth, Ithream, of Eglah, David's wife. These were born to David in Hebron.
(2 Samuel 3:2-5 ESV)
While Joab has been busy fighting Abner and the house of Saul, David has been busy back in Hebron: having children to his multiple wives.  This practice was bad enough for the average man, as can be seen in the lives of Abraham, Jacob, and others.  But it worse for a king.  David has not even established himself as the King of Israel, and the multiple choice list for his successor is beginning to fill the alphabet.  And it doesn't stop here.  Some well-known names are yet to come.  How easy it is for us, in the pursuit of God's calling, to make decisions along the way that slow us down, trip us up, and even create problems for the next generation.  May we stay focused on what God has called us to.

Calculating the Cost of Not Finishing What You Start...

And Abner and his men went all that night through the Arabah. They crossed the Jordan, and marching the whole morning, they came to Mahanaim. Joab returned from the pursuit of Abner. And when he had gathered all the people together, there were missing from David's servants nineteen men besides Asahel. But the servants of David had struck down of Benjamin 360 of Abner's men. And they took up Asahel and buried him in the tomb of his father, which was at Bethlehem. And Joab and his men marched all night, and the day broke upon them at Hebron. 
         There was a long war between the house of Saul and the house of David. And David grew stronger and stronger, while the house of Saul became weaker and weaker. (2 Samuel 2:29-3:1 ESV)
Yesterday we looked at three men who did not finish what they started: Abner, who started the war, without wisely counting the cost; Asahel, who persistently pushed to capture Abner, but ended up losing his own life; Joab, who had Abner and his army all but captured, but relented when unsure he was doing the right thing.  The next effect was a long gradual process that drug things out toward an inevitable conclusion: David would be king, despite Abner's resistance, and with or without Asahel's self-centered heroics.  What better reminder that the best plan is to seek God's plan, and to jump on board and hold on for the full ride.  How often do we get on and off the merry-go-round, going around in circles, when we should be getting on the train and going to the next destination? How much of our lives do we waste doubting God's plan and coming up with our own? Get in; let go; enjoy the ride.

Not finishing what you start...

Abner the son of Ner, and the servants of Ish-bosheth the son of Saul, went out from Mahanaim to Gibeon. And Joab the son of Zeruiah and the servants of David went out and met them at the pool of Gibeon. And they sat down, the one on the one side of the pool, and the other on the other side of the pool. And Abner said to Joab, “Let the young men arise and compete before us.” And Joab said, “Let them arise.” Then they arose and passed over by number, twelve for Benjamin and Ish-bosheth the son of Saul, and twelve of the servants of David. And each caught his opponent by the head and thrust his sword in his opponent's side, so they fell down together. Therefore that place was called Helkath-hazzurim, which is at Gibeon. And the battle was very fierce that day. And Abner and the men of Israel were beaten before the servants of David.
And the three sons of Zeruiah were there, Joab, Abishai, and Asahel. Now Asahel was as swift of foot as a wild gazelle. And Asahel pursued Abner, and as he went, he turned neither to the right hand nor to the left from following Abner. Then Abner looked behind him and said, “Is it you, Asahel?” And he answered, “It is I.” Abner said to him, “Turn aside to your right hand or to your left, and seize one of the young men and take his spoil.” But Asahel would not turn aside from following him. And Abner said again to Asahel, “Turn aside from following me. Why should I strike you to the ground? How then could I lift up my face to your brother Joab?” But he refused to turn aside. Therefore Abner struck him in the stomach with the butt of his spear, so that the spear came out at his back. And he fell there and died where he was. And all who came to the place where Asahel had fallen and died, stood still.
But Joab and Abishai pursued Abner. And as the sun was going down they came to the hill of Ammah, which lies before Giah on the way to the wilderness of Gibeon. And the people of Benjamin gathered themselves together behind Abner and became one group and took their stand on the top of a hill. Then Abner called to Joab, “Shall the sword devour forever? Do you not know that the end will be bitter? How long will it be before you tell your people to turn from the pursuit of their brothers?” And Joab said, “As God lives, if you had not spoken, surely the men would not have given up the pursuit of their brothers until the morning.” So Joab blew the trumpet, and all the men stopped and pursued Israel no more, nor did they fight anymore.
(2 Samuel 2:12-28 ESV)
In this battle, three men fail to finish what they began.  Abner was the one who started it all. He "went out", signifying a going out to battle, to start a war to take back land in Benjamin.  He was lucky to leave with his life.  Secondly, Asahel set out to kill Abner. He would not settle for anyone else; he wanted to be the one to kill the opposing general. Despite being repeatedly warned, he lost his own life. Thirdly, Joab began to pursue Abner, to capture him and end things once and for all.  But when he catches up to him, Abner's words dissuade him from his pursuit, and the battle ceased.  Three men, three failures to complete the task. On the surface, that's what appears.  But we must look to the motives.  Abner is making a case for himself and his king - that they had the right to lead, despite what God had proclaimed.  Asahel was selfishly motiviated - it was all about his glory, and not a holy calling.  Joab pauses to consider: "What am I doing pursuing my fellow Israelites? What is this civil war all about?" To be sure, he was to be fighting on behalf of God's anointed, but is this how God would have things done?  It was a question worth asking.  But the questions must start even earlier: Why am I choosing this pursuit? Is it something that would glorify God? Can I sense His leading?  If I achieve my goal, will it bring contentment? Or is it just all about me?

There's always someone...

But Abner the son of Ner, commander of Saul's army, took Ish-bosheth the son of Saul and brought him over to Mahanaim, and he made him king over Gilead and the Ashurites and Jezreel and Ephraim and Benjamin and all Israel. Ish-bosheth, Saul's son, was forty years old when he began to reign over Israel, and he reigned two years. But the house of Judah followed David. And the time that David was king in Hebron over the house of Judah was seven years and six months.
(2 Samuel 2:8-11 ESV)
David had been running scared for years, waiting for his promised time as king. Just when it looks like things will happen, as Saul has died and the people of Judah want him to be king, someone else steps in the way.  Abner, relative and general for Saul.  He saw his career coming to an end if David became king, so he had another plan.  Smooth sailing.  It happens once in awhile, but life doesn't bring that every day forever and ever. There will always be those people and events that frustrate us, slow us down, and seem like roadblocks to our destiny. That is no time to give us, lose control, or question our quest. It means learning to wait, move forward, wait, move forward.  Then, when we are further on our journey, we can look back and see the overall progress and what God has done, and we will have a better idea of why the wait, and how those times were used by God to mold us into the stewards He wanted us to be. Wait on the LORD.

In Common...

When they told David, “It was the men of Jabesh-gilead who buried Saul,” David sent messengers to the men of Jabesh-gilead and said to them, “May you be blessed by the LORD, because you showed this loyalty to Saul your lord and buried him. Now may the LORD show steadfast love and faithfulness to you. And I will do good to you because you have done this thing. Now therefore let your hands be strong, and be valiant, for Saul your lord is dead, and the house of Judah has anointed me king over them.”
(2 Samuel 2:4-7 ESV)
David requests the honor of becoming the king over Jabesh-Gilead, in addition to the people of Judah.  It seemed like a good idea. They had so much in common: they, like he, were courageous, in that they went behind enemy lines to recover and show respect for the body of Saul.  They, like he, were appreciative of the steadfast love of God, conscious of His goodness.  He, like they, respected Saul, yet it was time to move on.  It made sense, but would they?  Should he have even asked, or should he have waited for them to make the move, like he had with Judah?  Should he have sought this, or "let things happen," the way that God had brought him and Jonathan together?

Every Step of the Way...

After this David inquired of the LORD, “Shall I go up into any of the cities of Judah?” And the LORD said to him, “Go up.” David said, “To which shall I go up?” And he said, “To Hebron.” So David went up there, and his two wives also, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel. And David brought up his men who were with him, everyone with his household, and they lived in the towns of Hebron. And the men of Judah came, and there they anointed David king over the house of Judah. (2 Samuel 2:1-4a ESV)
David had been down - way down, geographically, emotionally, and spiritually. He was "out of Israel", on the run, almost hopeless, and making one bad decision after another without the direction of God. Then, he "found strength in the Lord His God," and began to ask Him for direction once again. From the point, God had restored his family, renewed the trust of his men, and removed Saul from the scene, opening the opportunity for him to finally become king. It was no time to make mistakes. He begins to ask God for direction - not only asking "if" or "should I?", but even "where?" and "when?" When he did so, God made the way, one step at a time. The people there were ready to accept him as King. They gathered around him. He did not need to force himself upon them. That is where we need to stay: taking everything to Him in prayer. Every step, every day. When we begin to think we know the way without asking, we get off track, heading the wrong direction. We become frustrated, angry, fearful, lacking confidence, and feeling alone, having left God behind. Get back on track. Admit you're lost and hurting. Ask for just one step at a time.